Saturday, 8 May 2010

My (not so) lovely lady lumps

I have been meaning (after deciding to keep this a strictly business blog) to write a post about my latest feature in Devon Life magazine (read it here) and the exciting news of my first overseas stockist with a big order going out to Bahrain (C&B goes global baby) BUT I have more pressing things that I just need to get off (or, in my dreams on) my rather lacking chest.

I have been obsessing the last few weeks with finding the perfect bikini. What with holiday season fast approaching and the fact that I always struggle with swimwear, I started my search early. There are so many lovely ones around, but unfortunately for me you need some sort of 'lady lumps' to carry them off.

When I was in my early teens and beginning to grow my little bee stings my family called me sprout. Since breast feeding my two delightful (grrrr) children I am surprised that this nick name has not reared its ugly head. Suffice it to say that i am seriously lacking in this department.
We all have one area (at least) that we are not happy with and my little raisins are my problem area. When discussing this with my hairdresser the other day, she told me 'to go topless - its all about confidence'. OHMYGOD! I find it hard enough to get them out at home let alone to the whole world. Advice from my hairdresser should possible by avoided though - in the next breath she suggested I use 'ass-hole cream' on my mouth wrinkles. WTF!
One thing she mentioned though which did make me feel better was that the perfect breast should measure 21cm from the dip at the bottom of the neck to the middle of the nipple. Well, I measure 20cm so things could be worse. If I ever get round to having surgery they will be so high up I might look like Posh!
I think I have now found the best bikini shape for me. The bandeau - so it looks a little like a sports bandage but at least the cups don't stay inverted after being touched. And, before you ask, I shall not be posting any pictures of me in said bikini - haremgate was painful enough!
Now all we need is a little sunshine!
Happy Holidays ♥
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  1. I read somewhere once that supermodels use Haemarrhoid (asshole *ahem*) cream around their eyes. Apparently it has some miraculous tightening properties. Well, if it's good enough for Kate et al...............Just saying ;)

  2. You've said it now, sprout! I should have thought about it before, I have a spare pair of swimming goggles you could have had - saved yourself some money and just buy the bottoms!
    See you tomorrow xx
    PS I have bikini no 3 and it's lush!
    PPS Does the AH cream work?

  3. I haven't tried the AH cream and do not intend to. Goggles - Ha bloody ha!

  4. What has happened to the gold lame swimsuit with the revealing bits?! And Amy you will look completely fabulous in any swimsuit, but you could always pad. I'm not sure swimming goggles would be decent. And AH cream works, but tingles a bit. Excellent for hung over days when eye lids look like inflated balloons. I'm on bikini regime anyway, most disheartening. may give in and just wear a large kaftan. Love L x

  5. a-ha! i was going to suggest bandeau stylie, that's what they always say in magazines. i can't believe your hairdresser knows all this crap! x

  6. 精彩的部落格 要繼續加油 ..............................

  7. 當身處逆境時,要能忍一時之氣,吃一時之苦,並及早確立自己的目標,總有一天,你會嘗到那甘美的果實。.............................................